Short questions with Dana Perino

August 24, 2023 at 11:50 AM EDT

For this week's "Short questions," Fox News Channel's Dana Perino talks with psychotherapist Elise Bitter about managing stress, guarding one's well-being and handling other vital life issues.

For a number of months now, I’ve enjoyed checking in with some of your favorite Fox personalities to learn more about who they are behind the scenes. But as you may recall, I did promise to throw in some surprise appearances here and there.

As the summer winds down and we look to a busy fall packed with work, school, friends, family activities and even the holidays coming up quickly, it's important to evaluate our own well-being to make sure we know how to handle stress in a healthy way. To do so, I’ve phoned in a friend to help!

Meet Elise Bitter. She's an amazing psychotherapist here in New York City and an expert on "ditching indecision and experiencing true confidence," as she notes on her website. With fall practically here, I thought it’d be the perfect time to ask her some "short questions."

She runs her own practice, Elise Bitter Psychotherapy, as a licensed mental health counselor.

She says, "As a former career counselor and therapist specializing in helping high achievers, I can guide you in rewiring how your brain, body and soul respond to anxiety."

P.S. We have so much more in store for you. Stay tuned each week for new editions of "Short Questions with Dana Perino" — and if there’s a question you want answers to or a suggestion for the person I should interview next, leave a note in the comments section below!

EB: Well, smooth is the goal, though it’s not always possible! Usually, there are lots of bumps along the way. I like to help clients really understand who they are. What are their values and their red lines, and how do they prioritize them?

Some people who face "decision paralysis" have low self-esteem, so going through this exercise can help build confidence.

Then I focus on motivation. Are they making this decision for validation from someone else, or is it their own desire to strive for excellence? For example, do they really want to work in investment banking — or does their dad want them to because of the prestige that comes from it?

And then there’s this, something we’ve all heard a thousand times: Nothing in life is perfect. Until we really believe that, we can’t truly enjoy anything — work, hobbies, relationships, family time … nothing. There is freedom when we finally give up on perfection.

So, by letting go of the anxiety that comes from trying to be perfect, we get more liberty and more joy, even if it’s a little uncomfortable along the way.

EB: The most important thing you can do is to communicate your boundaries ahead of time by agreeing on a time that you will not be on your phone or at your computer.

If a colleague doesn’t respect that and messages you at 2 a.m., resist the urge to reply until your typical office hours. If you reply immediately, then you’re playing into the pattern, signaling that it’s OK to be contacted at any hour of the night and you'll be expected to respond immediately in the future. Don’t let that happen.

Also, I recommend spending some time on making sure your set-up is comfortable and looks professional. Think about your backdrop. Your unmade bed is a no-no, but a blank wall or maybe a nice plant and a cute photo of your dog could be really nice.

Also, make sure to use a good set of headphones for calls and turn on a sound machine to prevent your work colleagues from hearing your partner whipping up a protein shake in the kitchen. But have a good signal so that if you want a shake, too, one will appear at your desk without skipping a beat.

EB: Professionally speaking, it’s common in my field to have support systems in place such as a supervisor for difficult topics, a therapist "for the therapist," peer groups and trainings, and consultants for best business practices.

Personally speaking, I enjoy playing tennis or taking a boxing class, sitting near a body of water or going to a live concert with my husband for date night. I use my skills in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness to help with any worries I may have.

EB: OK, listen up! Let yourself be sad, sit with your feelings, cry it out, eat your ice cream. The sadness will be temporary, not permanent. We learn something from each relationship we are in.

Silence your ex-partner on social media. It is not healthy to see what they are up to, and it can pop up on your feed and unexpectedly send you into a downward spiral.

Triggers — such as anniversary dates, birthdays or favorite restaurants — are normal and will fade with time. Don’t keep your feelings in. Talk to your friends and family, or consider this to be a good time to start with a therapist for some extra support.

Do not hop on the dating apps and make a new date for each night of the week. Take time to reflect.

Write down a list of negatives about the relationship. Keep it in a place such as your phone notes for easy access so you can add to it or see it visually during times of sadness. Often, we put our old relationship on a pedestal and this can help address that.

Write a letter to your ex-partner for a cathartic emotional release, but hold off on sending it. Reflect on the positive relationships in your life (parents, friends, colleagues), and write down positive qualities of them and use this as a guideline for future relationships.

Learn about your role in the relationship and what type of attachment style you have. I like to recommend the book "Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find - and Keep - Love," by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller regarding attachment styles.

EB: Start by practicing with day-to-day experiences such as interacting with the coffee shop barista. Smile and ask them a question rather than looking at your phone.

Go into the office instead of opting to work from home (if you can). You will have opportunities at lunch to get to know your colleagues and will feel a burst of energy from feeling less alone. Plus, you’ll feel more comfortable asking them professional questions in the future.

Volunteer or do things that you love in group settings. For example, take a cooking class or a workout class. You can meet people from all walks of life.

Don’t become a pen pal on the dating apps. Limit your time messaging someone if they have not suggested a date.

EB: I believe that anyone and everyone can benefit from therapy. There is no problem that is not significant enough to share.

If it is a problem and is causing stress in someone's life, then it’s a problem!

EB: It can help to learn your resources prior to having the baby, such as meeting with a lactation consultant to learn about breastfeeding or pumping. Learn how to be OK with letting someone else that you trust take care of the baby. Ask for help from a spouse, parent, friend, babysitter.

You are not a bad mom if you need to take a walk, get a pedicure/massage or simply take a shower. If you don’t take time for yourself, then it’ll be hard to show up enthusiastically for your child and you will feel depleted.

If you are struggling, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or a psychiatrist for some additional support.

EB: For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to have kids. At the same time, I’ve worked my whole life and career to be where I am today as a business owner of my New York City-based private psychotherapy practice.

The most rewarding part of both is that I care deeply about my identity as a mother and as a therapist. I love my child and my work, and those can co-exist.

It was pretty incredible to me that every single one of my clients returned to working with me even after my maternity leave.

I joke that my career has given me some experience as a mother, as I care deeply about my clients’ success (as if they were my child) — the same way I do for my child’s well-being.

EB: Prior to therapy, many people may have a common misconception that their therapist will give them "advice" or tell them what to do in a situation. Therapists are trained to provide interventions so that the individual can reflect and learn to make decisions based on their own evidence.

We teach coping tools — sort of like the saying, ‘If you teach a kid to fish’ … Our goal is to help people get through a tough time and be able to handle adversities and challenges with better ways to manage the stress.

Clients may assume that their symptoms should go away immediately after one session — but if you think about it, you probably have had most of your behavioral patterns for the majority of your entire life (say, 30 years). When you go to therapy, we do a history intake to reflect on what behavioral patterns work for you and which don’t, and we aim to replace the ones that don’t. It can take time for this process as first we work on awareness; next, we teach coping skills/ techniques; and lastly, we work on implementation.

No problem is too small to bring up. I tell clients that all emotions are welcome — your therapist should be non-judgmental and encourage clients to share it all. If clients withhold information, then we’re not able to do the best job that we can to move forward.

And it very much is possible to move forward!

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To read all of Dana Perino's earlier "Short Questions" interviews for Fox News Digital, check out this (long) list!

For her interview with Brian Kilmeade, click here.

For her interview with Kennedy, click here.

For her interview with John Roberts, click here.

For her interview with Janice Dean, click here.

For her interview with Charles Payne, click here.

For her interview with Trey Gowdy, click here.

For her interview with Johnny "Joey" Jones, click here.

For her interview with Bill Melugin, click here.

For her interview with Jimmy Failla, click here.