Musician Jelly Roll is still trying to understand the depths of his addiction.
"I had to learn that you could drink alcohol without doing cocaine," he told People magazine in a candid admission. "It took me a long time to learn that … I've never said that, but that's real. There was a long time where I just assumed, when people told me they drank without doing cocaine, I was like, I thought we only drank to do cocaine."
The "Save Me" singer has been transparent about his prior drug use, even serving time for a previous crack cocaine charge. "I thought [drinking] was to make us not feel like drug addicts. Nobody wants to snort cocaine sober, then you're a drug addict. But I had to re-look at my relationship with alcohol like that," he said.
JELLY ROLL EMBRACES ROLE IN COUNTRY MUSIC REVOLUTION AFTER OVERCOMING ADDICTION AND PRISON TIME
"I never really had a problem with alcohol, so I'll still have a cocktail, but very, especially this year, very seldomly," he clarified. "Like, special night kind of stuff, like the night of the CMAs, of course we partied. But I just try to stay away from drugs."
Jelly Roll won the award for New Artist of the Year at the Country Music Awards last month.
"I've made a lot of peace with my past. I mean, it still haunts me like the ghosts I know, but I tell you what, I don't think about doing no drugs today. As far as today goes, I don't know about tomorrow, but I can tell you, today, right now, I'm happy."
Much of that happiness is rooted in giving back. The singer travels to centers across the country to play music, deliver food, and "do a little encouraging."
"I always said that if I ever got in this situation, I would do everything I could to give back," he said. "The fact that just me showing up places can make people happy is such a gift, and I feel like if God gave me that gift, I should show up."
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Jelly Roll said that he never went to rehab to address his own addiction problems, but he does attend meetings when he feels like he needs support.
"I've never talked about this in interviews, but because I do drink and smoke weed, I will attend meetings occasionally. If I'm really struggling with thinking of my behavioral pattern, I'll go to a meeting," he said. "I just, out of an abundance of respect for the people who really got off the drugs completely, and the alcohol and the weed, I don't necessarily claim to be a part of the program, because I respect their work and I would never want to diminish it with some of my actions, but AA has done a lot for me."
His family has also contributed to his recovery. Jelly Roll said he is the product of a "big ole white trash" family in Nashville, and that their support has grounded him. "I'm very anchored in my family," he explained. "Being a father is so important to me. The single most impactful event of my entire life was having my daughter. It changed everything," he said of his daughter Bailee, 16, who was born while Jelly Roll was locked up.
He compares her birth to "the Christian scripture of when Saul turned into Paul on the Damascus Road. It was kind of that moment for me." Jelly Roll is also a father to son Noah, 7.
"I’m a man that's figuring it out," he added of his situation now. "A man that comes from a place nobody figured it out."
